she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
