shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
