dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
