You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
