i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
