She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
