Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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