ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
