So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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