you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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