he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
