I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
