im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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