I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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