Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
