You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
