all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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