Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
