Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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