i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
