You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
