she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
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I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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