I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
