last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.