Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun