what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.