when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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