You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
