I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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