Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
