i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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