you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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