No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
