So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
