how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
