Pants 0. Shit 1.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
