Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
