just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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