shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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