Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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