I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
