my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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