I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
