Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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