I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
