Yo dont text me then not text me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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