I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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