walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
