I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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