he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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