i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
