ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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