Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
