is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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