Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
