Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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