chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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