So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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