You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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