i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize