Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
