so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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