At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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