There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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