I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
