It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
