just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
