Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
