you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
