I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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