Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
