Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
