I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
