You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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