We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
